I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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