we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
