not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
