Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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