Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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