): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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