Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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