I hope mine doesn't look like that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize