My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
