my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
