She announced her abortion via fbk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
