This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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