I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
