did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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