the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
