I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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