I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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