3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So vagazzling was a success
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
