It's Friday. Sex?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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