You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
