Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
