He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
