I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
