I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
