It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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