we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
