it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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