hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
