just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
