You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
