theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
