6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
