i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
