I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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