He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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