Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
