Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
