well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
