we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
