Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
