I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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