he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
