I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
