I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
