I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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