Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
