Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
