so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
