we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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