Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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