I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
