There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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