I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
