Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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