did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
