Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
