I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
