I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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