Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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