i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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