And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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