Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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