He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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