And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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