Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
