Your mouth is God's brothel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
