My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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