What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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