I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
