IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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