Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
