Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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