I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
