I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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