I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
