It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
