I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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