I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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