I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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